Edwin Edwards

Former governor of Louisiana. All sorts of stuff wrong with him, but man, he had the quickest wit of any politician ever when it came to retorts.

On an opponent:

He’s so slow that he takes an hour and a half to watch 60 Minutes.

On his chances in an election:

I could not lose unless I was caught in bed with a dead girl or a live boy.

On being imprisoned:

I will be a model prisoner, as I have been a model citizen.

On marrying women much younger than you:

You are only as young as the woman you feel.

1991 Louisiana Gubernatorial Election

After Edwards’ loss in 1987, a journalist for the defunct Shreveport Journal wrote that the only way Edwin Edwards could ever be elected again was to run against Adolf Hitler. These words turned out to be shockingly prophetic, since after the 1991 primary Edwards discovered his runoff opponent to be former Imperial Wizard of the Ku Klux Klan, David Duke.

On his opponent1:

The only thing we have in common is that we’re both a wizard under the sheets.

He also feigned concern for Duke’s health due to smoke inhalation “because he’s around so many burning crosses” and when a reporter asked Edwards what he needed to do to triumph over Duke, Edwards replied “stay alive.”

  1. My favorite. I wish I had cause to use this one IRL. 

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