i really didn’t feel like seeing anyone today. i didn’t feel like doing anything. like Eeyore. i felt (and still feel some) out of sorts, tired, flat.
but it’s Inkhaven and today we’re going to Bodega Bay. so i got in my car and went to Light Haven.
the sight of everybody disgusted me, like i was full and food was being poured down me. sorry guys but it was true.
so i offered to give people a ride. because I need it. maybe they do too. but today I’m the one who needed it.
A went with me, and we ended up talking about music and sharing Corb Lund, [todo my yt music], and China reggaeton [todo cite]. somewhere around the Richmond Bridge my ambient annoyance vanished.
i’m unraveling this secret, because today I need it. I bought a stuffed monkey for Nancy Hua’s daughter. Sorry Nancy’s daughter, sorry Nancy =(.
It’s inspired by Punch the monkey’s toy. why? because like Eeyore i’m a mope and i’ve felt lonely plenty and so has everyone who went to that Japanese zoo. most people don’t have the control in their life they’d like here, and if they can’t save them(our)selves, at least they can save another.
Some problems are beyond strength. I have to give to get, and more, much more than that, I get to give.
we go to the beach. i feel away from the others and just shuffle through. watching Alex Wales bounce on the beach, and people talk about cool guys not jumping from the waves too fast, was refreshing. but the walk back, nah. also the back of my boot heel rubbed. what an annoying morsel.
We get back and I go to take a nap since, well, I need it.
when I wake up, I decide I just want to sleep again. so i go to bed for half an hour, but for the first time that day, without proper intention of what i’m going to do after. and i realize i feel like sleeping and just ignoring the deadline — and, horrifyingly, that i don’t care that much in the moment.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY
I start singing too, because what else can I do? truly a prayer since it came from without me.
and suddenly it hit me, and i bask in the feeling of socialization. then i put on my shirt and go upstairs to be with them.
at the end of O Brother, Where Art Thou?, they all sing ‘you are my sunshine’, and I had A play that in the car. cycles and epicycles.
I’m still not much of a board game guy, but i’d be playing Codenames with you guys if i weren’t writing this. and that’s why i’m on the floor in the VR typing this — because it’s comfortable.
give to get. get to give. the wall becomes a hand if i just reach out. somehow, the deadline got met.